Let there be light

Sales of sunnies soared yesterday when the recent dark spell that hit Egypt on Monday came to an unexpected end.

Millions of Egyptians were caught completely unawares by the change in visibility, and rushed to buy Ray-bans to protect their eyes from the bright light.

One shades retailer said: “A lot of people are unhappy with these plagues, but they’re great for business. Now I know how the umbrella guys felt when the frogs and hail came down.”

The Ministry of Finance confirmed that God’s wrath had been a boon for certain sectors of the economy. A spokesman said: “Veterinarians have been raking it in since the cattle were struck down and pest control companies are making a mint out of the flies and locusts.”

Sunglasses manufacturers weren’t the only ones celebrating yesterday. According to palace insiders, Pharaoh’s advisers are confident that the good times are set to roll again in Egypt. An anonymous source revealed: “While we’re not saying anything official yet, we’re pretty sure darkness was the ninth and final plague and that the worst is over. After all, what else could they throw at us?”

Pharaoh himself was said to be delighted by the news and is apparently planning a series of celebrations at the Sydney Opera Pyramid, including a fundraising concert for plague victims, featuring Nile Delta Goodrem and Tutenkhaminogue.

Rumours that popular illusionist Moses, who won last year’s series of Egypt’s Got Talent, would also be appearing have been denied. According to his agent, he has a prior commitment, having agreed to take part in I’m An Israelite, Get Me Out Of Here.

Not everyone, however, is thrilled, with the end of the plague. A Hebrew slave revealed he’d come up with a new invention that he hoped would make his fortune, but now his dreams were in tatters. “I got the idea during the recent hail storms”, said the 42-year-old pyramid engineer.

“It occurred to me that if we harnessed the power of the lightening, then we could create some kind of energy source that would make things brighter.” He added: “I was hoping it would be named after me. I’d like to call it Elimelech-tricity.

“I’ve already registered a company name – Isra-light.” Hebrew leaders, meanwhile, refused to be drawn on whether there will be any more plagues after darkness.

One holy man said: “We’ve got salt water for the tears, and charoset for the mortar. But you know what I really fancy right now? A nice egg. Do you think anybody would notice if I slipped that on the plate as well? Im sure we can come up with some explanation for it.”

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